DPS revisited

While he was being helplessly smothered by his father’s thoughtless verbal domination, Neil Perry took a deep breath and looked as if he wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. His plight was a tragedy, yet, what’s happening in front of him had a sarcastic humor. In his mind, life has begun to wither like a rose gasping for a drop of rain. There was no hope.

Yet again, he didn’t say anything, although there was an intense rage inside of him that he himself did not wanna let out. He diverted all his brewing aggression into a serene state of mind – but not for long.

And when his parents were fast asleep, he undressed himself quietly and laid his hands on his crown of coiled twigs – a symbol of free will for his newly-awaken soul. He placed the crown on his bedroom window and headed down to his father’s office.

With a mission in mind, he crept slowly like a thief.



From his father’s table drawer he pulled out a weapon wrapped in white cloth. He saw his own hands trembling, but not to say that there was a wave of uncertainty in his plans.

Not too long a moment after that, Neil Perry’s parents rushed into the office upon the sight of their lifeless son on the floor, drenched in red.

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Albeit being a predictable follow-up to the plot’s compelling first half, this scene in Dead Poets Society is one of the most memorable ones in my roster. I’m not particularly in-love with the movie itself (it’s becoming overrated throughout out the years), but some fragments, such as the one above, sticks into my head like a good-in-bed ex-girlfriend. It’s a non-glossy depiction of self-liberation through death, for one.

But aside from that, it also depicted the most heartbreaking act of “yielding” to the darkness of life. The character, Neil Perry, was portrayed as a youthful and spirited boy who always saw the bright side of the world despite being held captive in his father’s unreasonable guidance (or should I say dictatorship?). And in this scene, we can see this youthful spirit collapse. He had a quiet desperation in attaining the freedom to do what he wanted to do in life, and in that quest he met his English professor, John Keating, who inspired him to “seize the day”. But he saw no hope that night. In front of his father, moments before he shot himself to death, Neil Perry saw his dreams shatter before his eyes.

When I first saw this movie back in high school, all I saw was this “cool” movie about poems and how dazzling Robin Williams’ lines are. When I saw it again last night, everything seemed fresh. As if seeing it for the first time, in a new perspective –sitting on top of the desk and looking at a familiar thing in a slightly different angle.

It’s so liberating to think of how easy it is to end your life when things don’t go smoothly as planned. Neil Perry longed for a way out, and he found that salvation in the dictum carpe diem. He held on to this philosophy with high hopes. He took Keating’s words and journeyed away from his traditions, carrying with him a dream and the idea of the possibility that his father would bless his personal goals. He was on his way to 7^th heaven when his father dragged him back to hell - and possibly for good. Killing himself was, at that time, the slam-dunk solution for Neil.

The higher your hopes are, the more painful your failures will be.