Fact: People in our lives die. Some die physically, while others die in our hearts.

But not all deaths are tragic. Well, they seem to be at first, but then after a while we’d realize that it’s actually okay that some of our relationships – friendly or romantic – have ended. When you think about all the people in your life, you’d see how unimportant most of them really are. It’s a foul, shitty piece of reality. Most of these people are just there, not really making an impact in our lives. (And no, don't give me that butterfly effect crap.)

We used to think we’d be friends with these people forever, but by the time they’re gone it just makes you sad to know that you can actually go on with your life without them.

It took me two and a half decades to learn that you actually only need a handful of friends to get by.

I have five. That’s like 0.004% of my Facebook “friends”.

I still bump into some of my grade school classmates every so often, but that’s only because we live in the same area. Proximity is never an indication of friendship. Now some of my college classmates are still in my circle, but to my initial surprise, none of them actually ended up in my “super friends” category.

So yeah, it’s high school.

Three of my five best pals are from high school, and only one of those three belonged to the same class as I did. The other two are a couple of years older.

The rest of the faces I could recall in high school turned out to be merely passing meteorites which, despite of leaving a dazzling trail of memorable history upon their path, will always be just a recollection of spectacle that had once made me smile (and, in some cases, cry). Who knows when they’ll return, and is that even a possibility now that the memories are slowly fading?

Love kills slowly



And then there are those who were once the center of our universe.

I kill exes. That’s what I do. I only kill them in my mind, of course (although there were cases when I wanted to literally murder an ex girlfriend). Totally kidding. Actually no I’m not kidding.

When I “kill” them it doesn’t necessarily mean that I stop acknowledging their existence.

When I’m hooked up with someone, I put them upon a pedestal – but I don't worship the person; I worship the power she has over me. And as soon as that relationship falls apart, I must then immediately kill that person – just the one with the power – or else I won't be able to survive the next chapters of my life.

The other person, the one who used to be my friend, is spared from my killing. She doesn't deserve to die.

I don’t know what kind of a sick bastard I am for wanting to kill my exes after every breakup, but I have no choice. I just don't wanna stay in the dark.

In one particular story – a recent relationship in fact – I failed to kill that powerful person in my mind. The result was a bloody battle of ego, desperation and plain irrationality. I lost myself, not remembering what I was fighting for. Each time I tried to let go, sore and pungent thoughts came screaming back into my mind.

I became weak. Like rock bottom weak. And because of that I was unwillingly letting her manipulate me, like a tiny, helpless toy soldier on the palm of her hands.

When I was finally able to kill her, a new world immediately opened up right in front of my eyes. Like being born again, only with the same pathetic life.

That is why killing is essential to me. For me it’s the only way to win against the immaculate curse that is love. It's my defense mechanism. My panic button. The door that leads to the fire exit.

I need to kill people.

Or else I start killing myself inch by inch.



 

Photo Credit: Wallpoper.com | Cower.me | WikiPaintings.org

 

It’s still an on-going mission to watch all of the Best Picture contenders in the last Oscars. I am yet to watch Dallas Buyers Club (I know, what the hell, right?) and Nebraska. Anyway, 7 out of 9 ain’t bad.

The most recent one I saw was Spike Jonze’s “Her”. This movie has officially become one of my all-time favorites. And not with a single shred of doubt, at that.

I’ve been meaning to list down my top 10 ever, which is by itself an extremely difficult thing to do. Not even Roger Ebert could do that (rest in peace, maestro). It’s impossible. Our favorite movies are usually seasonal and dependent on what stage we are at in our lives, and even sometimes based on our ultra-temporal moods. So to trickle it down to only 10 choices would be very subjective – and ultimately unreliable.

That’s why I only plan of choosing around 4-6 favorites and then leave room for future movies. There are still decades of movies to come and it would be illogical to complete that top 10 this early on.

As of right now, the “definite” top placers are City of Angels [1998], Back to the Future [1985], American Beauty [1999], Revolutionary Road [2008]  and Fight Club [1999]. These are the movies which will forever be my favorites no matter what. And I’m pretty certain that the list will grow.





Then there are these other placers, ones that are currently on the list but still have the possibility to be dropped in the future. These are Vanilla Sky [2001], The Shawshank Redemption [1994], and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind [2004]. Last year I added Midnight in Paris [2012]. And, as the most recent addition, Her [2013]. More about Her in a sec.

The question “What's your favorite movie?” is not a personality test

Real talk: I hate it when people tell me that their favorite movies are those which are considered “intelligent” or “deep” or “unpopular”. For me it’s a sad, disgusting thing to do, pretending they like a particular movie (eventhough it’s obvious that they don’t) just so they would sound smart. It’s so gross that I can barely stand listening to these people.

Don't tell me that you like Dangerous Liaisons or LA Confidential because you would just sound phony to me. Whereas if you’d tell me that your favorite movie is Titanic or any of the Harry Potter flicks, I would accept you with open arms.

Fight Club, despite being a cult classic and a popular favorite, is part of my list because I sincerely love the film. I don't care if it’s a predictable, mediocre choice. I love it, so it should be on the list. Same goes for Back to the Future and The Shawshank Redemption. The other ones, although not popular, have had a significant effect on me (on top of being awesomely made) which qualifies them as a favorite.

Critical reappraisal

Movie critics do something called critical reappraisal which, as the term suggests, allows them to evaluate the reviews they’ve made in the past. Reviews are greatly influenced by what’s happening around us – the connection of the movie to the present time. When allowed to give a secondary opinion after a considerable time has passed, one would oftentimes come up with a different perspective of a film.

When I was in high school I considered Scent of a Woman [1992] as my all-time favorite. It was mainly because Al Pacino, who was, is, and will forever be my favorite actor, is in it. But as years passed the respect I had with the movie has diminished, and surprisingly, not a single Pacino movie has made it to my all-time list. A fact that disturbs me rather seriously.

It was the same fate for Dead Poets Society [1989], The Breakfast Club [1985], and Se7en [1995]. They were once high-ranking favorites but have slowly climbed down into obscurity.

The irresistible charm that is “Her"



I’m not gonna say I like Joaquin Phoenix. I liked his Johnny Cash in Walk The Line [2005] and I thought his performance in The Master [2012] deserved an Oscar. But that’s about it.

I also like his antics. Remember that time in 2008 when he “allegedly” retired from acting, grew a beard, became a recluse and transformed into a hip hop artist? No one was really sure what was going on; some said it was just an act while some were truly convinced he’d gone loco.

His rare appearance on Letterman was one of the funniest, most awkward interviews I’ve ever seen:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRb_3hCa72Y

Yes - you guessed it - it was a hoax, intended as a marketing tactic for his mockumentary, I'm Still Here  [2010]

I like watching Her repeatedly and I can't even point out what exactly I like about it. Sure, there are giveaways like that cutie weirdo Rooney Mara and the ever-hot Olivia Wilde. Then there’s Amy Adams. Of course, there’s Scarlet Johansson’s voice.



But I suppose I like the premise, I like the acting, I like the songs, I like how the cameras moved, I like how the pace of the movie was so relaxed, so much that you’d start to think it wasn’t gonna end.

It was supposed to be sad

The idea of someone falling in love (?) with an operating system is downright pathetic if you think about it, but to my surprise, I found it very amusing. I started thinking what it would be like to have an intimate conversation with someone made out of a computer chip and advanced electrical signals. Scarlet’s voice really would help a lot, too.

I have to admit: it IS a bit scary. Someday, this technology may prove to be un-impossible at all, and a kid of mine may be one of those losers who ends up marrying a robot. This would be an awesome movie to throw back to, which by then I would tell my kid, “That movie was made during the time when the concept of a talking, feeling, operating system was still a RIDICULOUS idea”.

Then again, it would be cool, though. So keep working, Silicon Valley nerds.

 

Photo Credit: RogerEbert.com | TimeInc.net | ApnaTimePass.com