When friends become strangers

I received a very weird text message at 2:00 AM a few shifts ago. It was weird not only because of the hour it was sent, not only because of the content of the message, but most of all, because of the person who sent it to me.

On a superficial level, it really did just inform me that the sender was drinking at that exact moment, and that she now knew what it’s like to be, well, drunk. Nothing special, really. But then it’s still weird coz that person doesn’t drink – at all. So, for her to tell me that she was drinking at that hour is like telling me she’s actually a man, or that she’s from Mars or something. It’s totally out of this world. I may sound exaggerated, but the way I know her, it’s out-of-this-world-ly.

Well after investigating, it turned out to be a false alarm. She was just being curious with the vodka that her Mom bought and decided to give it a go. Three sips and she’s half dead.

Anyway, the reason why I panicked – well, almost panicked – is that I thought she’s finally become what I had feared she might become.

I’m paranoid about this stuff. I’ve always believed that at some point in a person’s life, a drastic change would occur. And when it happens to someone I know very well, I fear that I might not be comfortable with that person anymore. My theory is, if you change your perspective on something you once held strong beliefs against, then you must have changed views on a lot of other things as well. She used to be very firm against drinking. So the moment she becomes a “drinker”, I would automatically assume that she’s an entirely changed person. Something like that.

It happens all the time. I have this friend who used to speak ill of this “group” of people. Well, everyone outside this group hates them, and my friend is one of the most active haters. Then the inevitable happens. Yup, he eventually became an insider. A very enthusiastic insider at that.  I don’t mind his change of heart – he has all the right to reconsider the things he stands up for. I’m just not comfortable with the idea of seeing him undergo this drastic change. It bugs me.

I myself have changed in certain aspects of my lifestyle. I used to hate chain smokers and found them dumb to be doing what they do. But now I smoke – well, not like a chimney, but I do, occasionally. However, I don’t smoke in front of those people who are certain that I don’t smoke. I don’t wanna let them feel the same thing I feel whenever I see someone change.

So you see, I’m not against the concept of change. I embrace it as much as I could. I just hate losing people.

That’s why I kill them – in my mind - right before they start turning into monsters I don’t know.